I have not been able to decide when i wanted to write about Cailean. His June birthday and the two dates in May for the second anniversary of his passing and our newly annualized Boston memorial walk/ weekend all meld together . There simply are too many tragic ideas and feelings which pertain and overwhelm. The memorial walk/ weekend at least has the partial uplift of knowing that people felt compelled to attend and did so even though they lived in putnam county, n.y. and las vegas and manhattan and staten island and long island, etc. everything else is on the downslope.

I will end this message with a brief story which happened about 2 months ago. We went to Boston on the weekend that Mariel and Matt and Dexter moved to their new apartment in Watertown. Dexter and I went looking for a supermarket and walked about 8 or 10 extrememly cold blocks in the process. We went into a Middle Eastern bakery hoping to find something resembling Italian cookies. The place was rather large and had numerous aisles full of uninviting exotic foods but no Italian anything. Dexter kept running and laughing from aisle to aisle as I followed him while looking for something to buy. . At some point I realized that I did not know whether he had just made a right or a left turn. I began to run and as I did, I yelled out “Cailean, Cailean, where are you?”. As I rounded the corner, I saw Dexter. Sadly, my inadvertant call to the wrong boy symbolizes our ever- continuing search for someone who cannot be found by simply running or turning left or right or both. There is no aisle or bakery or cookies or Italian food or a walk to the store or any weekend whether in Boston or elsewhere that can be shared with Cailean. There is no one to run after. John/ Dad. 5/25/06.