The annual arrival of spring each year will be bittersweet for us. It normally is a glorious sign of rebirth: not this year. Last Tuesday morning, on my way to West Point, I noticed that Quicky and Quacky (two ducks that John named who come back to our pond in early spring each year) had returned once more. At the same time, I remembered a similar moment last year. Cailean and I were driving down to get a bacon and egg sandwich for him one morning before I went off to school. He was very honored to proclaim that Quicky and Quacky had come back once again. I was surprised to see how two sweet and silly ducks could make me cry so hard this year.

Easter was not a very big holiday for Cailean. However, he would always have a sly smile on his face when I would announce that I had to go Easter Bunny shopping. He appreciated the Peeps and new clothes he would receive. I continue to mentally pick out clothes he would like whenever I’m in the Gap etc.. He did like to dress well and was very particular about his outfits!

We just returned from a trip to Austin, Texas. It’s the place that John probably considers Heaven on Earth and a city Cailean experienced several times during his brief life. While there I found a poem that I felt was appropriate for us. It was written by artist/poet Brian Andreas. It was written for another boy who died far before his time:

“Landscape of the Heart”

“It is still so new & all we see is
the empty space,
but that is not how it is in
the landscape of the heart.
There,
there is no empty space
& and he still laughs
& grapples
with ideas & plans
& nods wisely
with each of us
in turn.

We are proud to have known him.
We are proud to have called him friend.”

We are proud to have called him son, brother….

Happy Easter, Cailean. Love forever and ever..Mom