I have been meaning to express some further thoughts on Cailean as we near the year end and it?s holidays. It is hard to believe that he has been gone 7 months. And yet I wave to him everyday as I pass through the living room. I have discovered that everything in my life has been diminished by his absence, especially the good things. going to a nice restaurant is going without him; watching a movie is watching without him; going to Boston is going without him. The fact that he did not witness the Red Sox beat the Yankees or see the Pistons humiliate the Lakers with me is unthinkable. The idea of playing tennis without him simply does not exist.

About a week after his funeral, I was watching tv with Brittany when i changed the channel to a John Wayne movie called ?THE COWBOYS.? I had seen it a number of times and even liked it but I rarely discussed it or even thought of it because the Duke is sadistically killed by Bruce Dern which is contrary to the laws of nature, or at least my laws of nature. Anyway, we watched the dying scene where John Wayne revives himself just enough to declare to the young cowboys gathered around him ?every man wants to know that his son grows up to be a better person than his father was?..? I was very lucky to witness that moment because I realized that Cailean had achieved that goal for his father.

Yesterday it occurred to me that he and my father might meet in the ?afterlife”. I imagined them walking down a road in Ireland looking for the village where my father?s grandparents had been born. After Ireland, they would travel to Spicewood, Texas in order to visit Poodie?s Hilltop because my hero Billy Joe Shaver would be playing on New Year?s Eve. Billy Joe would invite Cailean on stage and he would be introduced to Eddy Shaver?s spirit. Together they would play guitar. Afterwards, Eddy invited my father and son to travel to Waco, Texas in order to visit the graves of his mother and Grandmother. Cailean would say yes but only if Eddy would agree to join them later as they traveled to Loch Sheldrake, N.Y. That is where his parents and his two sisters had spent their summers in the early 1980?s, unknowingly preparing for the arrival of their future son and brother, the person who would complete the family circle and in turn become the center of their universe: Cailean Walker Sheeran? the best ?BUDDY? there ever was. Thank you Cailean for blessing our lives. with love, John Sheeran. 12/15/2004